Tips on Marriage and Couples Relationships
We all need to feel admired. When our partners tell us they think we are special then we feel secure and loved in our relationships. This is a good feeling. If you do this for your partner then you are taking a huge step towards helping the relationship become what you really want it to be.
What I observe is that if one partner starts doing this it becomes part of what happens between the two of you. This is a great way to develop healthy relationships.
One way of expressing admiration in a relationship is by thanking the other person for what they have done during the day. It could be laundry, cooking, cleaning, providing, parenting and many others. It’s noticing and commenting on the positives about the other person such as what they are wearing, how they look or if they accomplished something then they know you do admire and appreciate them. Expressing admiration is letting your partner know you value that they are around. This could happen wherever you are. When you are having a meal together you can let your spouse know that “it’s nice to be together right now with you.” You can even look at them with admiration.
When you show admiration to your partner you are building a foundation of good feelings between the two of you.
Showing your spouse how you feel can be done through doing things for them. Taking the kids for an activity to allow your partner to have some space is a very loving activity. Cleaning the house or doing the dishes can give your spouse a very caring and connecting message.
I’ve seen in many couples how the lack of doing things for each other causes insecurity. It seems as though the other person doesn’t care when they don’t do things that makes life easier for their mate. As a result the stress level increases. When one partner of the couple starts to show their loving feelings for the other person by doing things for that person it opens the door for connection and closeness.
What really is commitment? When we say we are committed to a person, to a relationship, we are just saying it. But what does it really mean? I don’t think that commitment is a word that has no action. If you say you are committed to someone but then you become angry, hurt, impatient, then the commitment can get derailed. And then what happens? That word loses its meaning. The commitment part of the relationship gets lost.
I believe that commitment is a practice, not just a word that gets spoken when we decide to really be with someone. Commitment is an action that is actually done daily. When we commit to another person we are telling them they are on our minds when they are not even in our presence. We are mindful of them and how we feel about them. This means that we are aware of how we are feeling and how that process, the feeling process, is affecting our actions towards the other person.
How is commitment an action? It results with deciding what to do about how you feel in your relationship. You can withdraw, not say anything, and brew inside, which then keeps your partner at a distance. You can also go on the attack by blaming, criticizing, or having an anger outburst, which pushes your partner away. The alternative is committing to keep your partner in the loop. This is showing your partner your feelings. It is letting her/him in know what is happening inside of you that is important. This is commitment.
When our commitment gets compromised, that’s when we need the help of couples therapy. Through the Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy Process, we are able to help each partner get back on track with being able to talk to each other about what is important, and to communicate in a way that helps you both get that connection back. Then you can feel secure knowing that you both are committed to each other. Blissful relationships are within everyone’s reach.